A real moment.

I will post the next rule later today, but for now, I have had this blog entry in mind for a few days, and I need to catch up first.

I didn’t expect to have almost a week-long absence, so soon, from posting. I had something “come up” that took priority, but ironically, that something was an unexpected surgery that a close friend had to undergo. The irony is that the surgery was a direct result of diet (a large gallstone) and what was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure ended up being full surgery. Even though I didn’t have time to blog throughout her 3 days at the hospital and helping out since she came home on Sunday, it has kept me very focussed on thinking about food and diet and how it affects your health, and more importantly, how we have a hand in preventing certain things from happening to our health.

”Easier said than done”, right?

Needless to say, I felt even more convinced that I am moving in the right direction with adopting Food Rules and blogging about it.

In the meantime, I want to share with everyone about a “moment” I had the other day .

I wasn’t sure I was going to write about this, but then I realized that the whole point of this process is to be honest as I do this, whether it be a good or bad moment. This moment only lasted about 10 minutes.

On Saturday, I started feeling pressure, suddenly thinking that I wasn’t going fast enough with my food make-over, and I had the urge that I wanted to go against everything I have said about taking this process slowly. This happened when I was standing in line at the supermarket buying vegetables for a healthy veggie soup for my friend in the hospital, so I admit I was already extra sensitive about food at the time. A lady in front of me was buying 3 things- 2 giant bottles of regular soda (1 orange and 1 cola) and a gallon of organic milk...I’m not making this up. I have been feeling good about my steady progress thus far even though I have only just started to reform my food, and yet seeing that woman in front of me, set me off into a roller coaster of reactions. I was so struck by this visual and I didn’t want to judge her, but I couldn’t help it. This woman appeared to be leading a double life of someone trying to be food conscious, but still stuck in the rut of bad habits. The scariest part was that it made me realize, that I am in that same tough boat, minus the soda. I happen to already have given up soda, other than on a very rare occasion, for several years now, and I think it is pretty obvious that soda is really a major problem. However, I don’t want to seem like I am above this. That lady’s vice, at that moment, was soda, but I could identify with her (I could name many sugar filled things that I could have been buying that are just as bad) and it made me feel panicky and wanted to run home and get to the next 10 rules right away. I kept thinking “Oh no..I have to do more”... “I am not far enough into this”... “I have to get moving with my blog”... “I have to get to the rules that specifically address sugar...and EVERY other bad and good food habit we need to work on”... “I know I am doing this for me and Lee, but how can I reach more people and get them on board?”, etc... I was “freaking out” a little.

I know it’s good to see things like that, and have the reaction be motivation, but then I “went somewhere” very dim. Intimidation, and then pessimism crept in, especially because I was standing in the type of supermarket that I am used to shopping in, for years, along with millions of people, feeling outnumbered. I knew in the back of my mind, that ultimately I should be shopping there as little as possible, or at least eventually that is the goal. Here came the question...“How am I going to get there???” It felt so impossible and unreachable all of a sudden. I started to doubt that I am going to be able to really DO this and I started to feel really defeated about it, and I have only just begun this uphill battle! All I could feel at that moment was that people like me and Lee, who are trying to implement changes toward better food, are not the majority, and how long will it take before it changes so that we are, and how hard is that going to be? Am I kidding myself to think that Lee and I can change such ingrained food-shopping and eating habits that we have had for so long, especially when you consider the time commitment and the cost of avoiding crap food and putting more healthy and well raised food on your daily menu? I don’t know why I suddenly felt like this was so pointless, as if I was the only one with the burden of trying to do this, but I did.

Boy, that lady buying soda really “stirred it up”. I was bummed out until I got into my car, but fortunately that daunting feeling went away and I snapped out of it. I reminded myself it is for the better to treat this like a new relationship and take it slow and steady, to “get to know each other” so that the commitment lasts. And Lee and I already eat better and have more access to better food than so many others, so I really shouldn't complain. Still, for me and Lee, this is a huge thing we have taken on, and I knew going into this that it will be challenging or frustrating at times..ups and downs...good days and bad days.

Regardless, I have to stay optimistic that awareness about food is increasing, the food revolution is gaining momentum and I have an opportunity to be a part of it and figure it all out and keep going!

End of story.

Thanks for listening.

PS. I promise I wont always go “on and on” this much every time I blog and “stay tuned” for the upcoming more specific rules.